You Can’t Hurry Love/No, You Just Have to Wait

Name that song!

This morning, I had the opportunity to spend time with very special ladies at a senior living home in Alexandria. About 8-10 women from Frontline/McLean Bible Church hosted Pretty & Polished and treated each lady with a manicure. As an extra treat, we had two gorgeous flower pots that the ladies had an opportunity to win through a drawing.

I was deeply humbled and moved by the selflessness and love of these women. Many of them, including one of my women, Blanche told me, “No that’s ok honey. I want someone to win those lovely flowers– someone that will tend to them and help them grow.”

W o w .

Then it occurred to me.

Dating is like a delicate flower. As Blanche realized with flowers– dating comes with responsibilities.
I admit: I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day– not because I’m a cynic– quite the opposite. I’m too much of a hopeless romantic for Valentine’s Day– I find random, unpredictable expressions of love so much better than the obligatory flowers/chocolate/date on Valentine’s Day.

The past two weeks at church, we’ve done a series called Dismantle/Repair. John McGowan put the series together to do what the title says– Dismantle what our culture says about dating and Repair with the truth of the Bible.

Ambitious, right? Especially since the word “dating” is never actually mentioned in the Bible.

So how does God want us to approach dating?

Instead of approaching dating as a trial and error process (you aren’t buying a car or new pair of shoes!)– we are called to set our hearts and minds on the Lord first— let’s refer to Colossians 3: 1-3,

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”

It stands out that we are to set our hearts and minds on God and not things of this earth. To be in friendship with the world is adulterous to the Lord because we are first and foremost married to the Lord when we become Believers.

So does the Lord not want us to marry? Not necessarily– but He has a plan for how we seek a spouse.

1.) Become: Take the time to become the right person.

Psalm 26:1-3,
Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.”

2.) Develop: Take time to develop and grow Godly priorities.

Think differently (God’s way!) for what you’re looking for in a boyfriend/girlfriend– Romans 12:2,

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is– His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Where is “Follower of Jesus” on your “list”? Be honest with yourself.

3.) Establish: Take time to build a solid Christ centered relationship.

Perhaps one of the hardest things in Christian dating– spiritual connectedness– or being equally yoked together, and 2 Corinthians 6:14-16a tells us,

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in com
mon with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.”

Most of the above comes from John McGowan’s first message on dating, so I don’t claim credit for those ideas all strung together. But the Lord placed many of the pieces of John’s message on my heart over the past year and challenged me to re-evaluate the way I approach dating. Submitting to the Lord’s will is a matter of pride for me but in it, I find freedom and joy.

3 Responses to “You Can’t Hurry Love/No, You Just Have to Wait”

  1. 1 Christopher
    February 15, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    Woah Kim, lots of time on your hands lately

  2. 2 Rachel
    February 16, 2009 at 12:14 am

    I can tell this is on your mind a lot because I can see several ideas at work here πŸ™‚ Will you be talking about this again? I like your comment about dating not being a trial and error process. I mean, naturally that speaks to me because I only had one “trial” heh…but I agree. There are all kinds of different ideas about dating, but I do happen to think that it doesn’t need to be “trial and error” especially with today’s society in which male/female friendships are more common. I know that was something my mom mentioned as a hesitation in the early stages of my dating Nathaniel. But I reminded her that I was friends with many guys and in those relationships I could differentiate the qualities I was seeking in a spouse. But anyway, I could ramble about that for awhile methinks.Lots of good stuff here, would love to see you expound upon it!

  3. 3 Kim Cotterman
    February 16, 2009 at 2:10 am

    Hey thanks for your comment, Rachel. You are right– I have a lot of different ideas (and this was already a really long and heavy blog post!)– so I think as God reveals more to me then I will blog more on this subject. Of course if you have specific suggestions, I’d love to hear them πŸ™‚It’s really hard to not get caught up in our American culture idea of trial and error when dating– and I think it’s great that you knew not to fall into that and really just lean on the Lord!

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