showing up….empty handed

Ever hear something several times, and then one time, you hear it again…and it just clicks?  I have moments like this all the time.  Growing up, my mother said my little sister and I had “selective hearing”– we would only hear what we wanted to hear (i.e., “yes, you can do x,y, and z“) and we would ignore the rest  (i.e., “clean your room, do your homework…“).

Some of us don’t change much beyond our child-like “selective hearing” with God. We listen to the things we want to hear and sift out the things we want to ignore.

I am guilty of doing this…but God doesn’t leave me alone just because I try to ignore.  He speaks to me when I’m reading the Word.  He speaks when I am singing praise and worship.  He speaks through sisters in Christ.  He pursues me, despite my selective hearing.

Over the past several weeks, I questioned where the Lord had me planted in ministry….doubting what He was doing and how He was using me because I felt unprepared.  I prayed about it, asking the Lord for direction and wisdom…and He has more than provided.  The heart of my prayer, “Lead me Lord, wherever you want me; I have no idea how to do this…I am empty handed, so it’s ALL You.”

I opened myself up to God’s grace leading– and put aside childish ways of selective hearing.

And then one night, while doing my Bible study, I read Paul’s letter to Timothy and this struck me, “And of this gospel I was appointed a hearld and an apostle and a teacher” (2 Timothy 1:11).  The Lord more than provided when He asked Paul to be obedient as a herald, apostle and teacher— I could be confident that He would provide for me in the same way.   Paul instructs Timothy– and the Lord instructs all– “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.  So do not be ashamed to testify about out Lord, or ashamed of me His prisoner” (2 Timothy 1: 7-8).

And if this wasn’t enough to shore up my confidence…this past Sunday, during worship I got another dose of reassurance.  We sang, Majesty (Here I Am)…my heart broke again to the promises of God:

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands

Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

I pray that today you will go confidently, empty handed…broken for obedience…allow the Lord to fill you with His grace, understanding and provision.

pearl of great price

Almost everyday, I wear a pair of pearl earrings– a gift a couple years ago from my mother.  They are simple, straighforward, classic.

But they are more than that.  They are a reminder of so much more…

Jesus tells a series of parables explaining the immense value of the kingdom of heaven– and one includes the story of a merchant searching for pearls, Matthew 13: 44-46,

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.“

But what does this mean?  I’m not a merchant or a fine jeweler, so what application does this have to my life….or to yours?

This is a parable of total surrender.  The fine pearl is Jesus Christ Himself, and upon knowing Him, the merchant goes and sells everything else.  It comes back to a blog I wrote last week with verses from Philippians 3:7-9.

But as we see this merchant give everything up to go and follow Jesus, there is a different story in Mark 10,

vs.17: As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?“

and then vs. 19, Jesus replies, “You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”

vs. 20, the man replies: “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”

vs. 21, Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

…and finally in vs. 22, “At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.”

This man wanted eternal life– he wanted the blessings of Jesus without enduring the process of dying of to  self (Colossians 3:9-10, Ephesians 4: 21-25, Romans 6: 6-8).  As Lon said in a sermon a few weeks ago, “Everyone wants the product, but nobody wants the process.”

How we desire to be like the merchant who sold everything once he found the precious pearl— but we often fall short and we are more like the rich man— clinging to the comforts of this world, clinging to relationships, clinging to materials possessions….clinging to everything else except Jesus Christ.

Yet, we want the final product.  Prayer time is often when the Lord convicts me of falling into this, “Kim, are you trying to fit me into your decisions, asking me to bless them after you’ve made them without my counsel?  Or are you conforming you decisions within the protection of  the precepts of my Word?  Are you seeking my counsel first and with the utmost and highest regard?”

In closing, GotQuestions .org wraps up the meaning of the Pearl of Great Price parable,

Matthew 13:11-17 and 1 Corinthians 2:7-8, 14 make it clear that the mysteries of the kingdom are hidden from some who are unable to hear, see, and comprehend these truths. The disobedient reap the natural consequences of their unbelief—spiritual blindness. Those whose eyes are opened by the Spirit do discern spiritual truth and they, like the men in the parable, understand its great value.

Notice that the merchant stopped seeking pearls when he found the pearl of great price. Eternal life, the incorruptible inheritance, and the love of God through Christ constitute the pearl which, once found, makes further searching unnecessary. Christ fulfills our greatest needs, satisfies our longings, makes us whole and clean before God, calms and quiets our hearts, and gives us hope for the future. The ‘great price’ of course is that which was paid by Christ for our redemption. He emptied Himself of His glory, came to earth in the form of a lowly man and shed His precious blood on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.

The kingdom of heaven– more valuable than anything this fallen world can give. Don’t just understand it, respond to it. This makes me fall on my knees in surrender…and in thanksgiving for the Precious Pearl.  I pray the same for you.

not greater than the master

This past weekend, I had the privilege of my nephew (Alex) visiting.  Alex is three (as of today! Happy Birthday Alex!) and a ball of energy…so I spent most of my weekend keeping up with him and finding fun things for us to do together.  What a joy to spend so much time with my nephew…and unknown to me, God had a lesson for me this weekend…

It’s not about me.

Having full responsibility for Alex this weekend opened my eyes to just how selfless you must be when caring for children.  If I didn’t feed Alex, how would he eat and get the proper nutrition to help him grow?  If I didn’t stop him from running in the street, how would he stay safe from the busy traffic?  He is completely dependent on someone else to take care of him and look out for his best interests.

I learned this Sunday morning.  I woke up (with what I hoped thought was enough time to get ready) but Alex had different plans.  While trying to flat iron my hair, I worked on feeding him breakfast.  Then I had to get him dressed….something that does not happen quickly because he has no sense of time…and really what’s the rush at his age?  Then my phone started ringing– Allysen arrived at my apartment and was ready to go…and I have a half dressed toddler that is more interested in playing with his truck than getting dressed.

But none of this was his fault, it was poor planning on my end.  So I did something that violates one of my rules: I left my apartment without make-up.  That morning, I needed to put myself aside and attend to him first.  Next time, I’ll wake up earlier.

And as the weekend came to a close, I thought about the graciousness of God over the whole weekend…and in my life.  I thought about how Alex modeled complete dependence on me for the weekend– he had to trust me to provide and protect him.  Isn’t that what God asks of us? — He desires us to solely depend on Him.

I reflected on the eternal Father God that disciplines me to lean on Him (Proverbs 3:11-12).  At the Air & Space Museum, Alex tried to make his case as to why he needed to climb into the displays and get on the airplanes.  He was very persistent in his urging– even pushing half his body over the barriers to show that he could reach the planes.  Too often, I am like my nephew– pushing the boundaries, trying to explain to my heavenly Father why He needs to let me do something.

I thought about how often I say I trust God, but then live a life absent of leaning on the Lord to come through for me.  Instead of dependence on God, I try to reason Him into interdependence with me.  I imagine He laughs at these attempts (maybe after He squashes them?) because…

Acts 17:25

And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.

Despite God not needing us and us not being equal to God (John 15:20), He invites us to the serve, John 12:26,

Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be.  My Father will honor the one who serves me.

So in closing, Psalm 16:5-6 is my prayer for myself…and for you,

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.   The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

i’ll stickwitu Jesus

Ryan shared this story with me….so I’m sharing with you

One of his pastors back home in Kentucky gave a sermon a couple months after one of the congregation members passed away.  The pastor explained….at funerals, it seems the standard of whether someone was a good person is based on one thing: Does anyone speak ill or bad of them? Especially in a small town, if no one had anything against you, it could be decided that you were basically a ‘good person’.

The pastor continued…”Boy, that sure wouldn’t apply to Jesus– people said all types of bad things, especially the religious leaders.”

The question of the sermon:

Do you want to obey men or God? Sometimes to do the work of God, you’re gonna ruffle a few feathers.

Paul questions who we are striving to please– God or man–, Galatians 1:10,

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

What holds you back from being a faithful servant of Christ?  Fear?  Doubts about what others will think?  I know the enemy uses fears and doubts to play on my ability to faithfully serve Christ… but take heart!  Jesus has overcome the world and He guides us in our walk with Him…

1.) The sword of truth– God’s Word– provides the tool to discern, test and approve using His standards and invites the Holy Spirit to work through you (Ephesians 6: 10-12; Colossians 4:6),
2.) Seek Godly counsel from wiser Christians, rooted in the precepts of the Bible (Proverbs 13:20; Titus 2: 1, 12, 15),
3.) And….be ready to love sacrificially as Jesus loved us, not just in words but with actions AND truth (1 John 3: 16-22; James 5:19-20).

Last, we have a very small understanding of what it means to “love sacrificially.”  Love as Christ loved us first….
4.) Be ready to extend forgiveness and mercy…Luke 23:34, “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’”

He never said it would be easy…only that it would be worth it.  We are called to a high standard as Followers of Jesus.

unfailing love…all other things are rubbish

How long, O LORD?  Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day I have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

These are the words of David from Psalm 13, but sometimes these are the very words and thoughts that I have.  I wonder how David said these words aloud…did he say it in his best Ben Stein, monotone voice?  I don’t imagine he did…I imagine him on his knees, perhaps pleading with God and crying out: How long, O LORD!– will you forget me in this situation?  How long must I wrestle with my thoughts of what to do?  When will you show up, LORD?? I ask these questions of God and often the response is………..

….nothing.

He is silent.

But God, I NEED to know what’s next. I like certain answers.  God doesn’t always give answers.  I like to make decisions with guarantees.  God doesn’t always give guarantees about life.  In fact, the only guarantee He DOES give are based on His character: He can be trusted because He is holy, He is in control and He demonstrated His love for me by sacrificing His Son so that I could have eternal life with Him.  Everything else– job, friends, family, where I live– that’s all open ended.

David didn’t get answers in Psalm 13, yet he ends with,

But I trust in your unfailing love,
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

His unfailing love.  I rejoice in salvation. This truth is a reminder that my joy comes from the strength of the LORD.

And Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi counsels further on what to expect, Philippians 3:7-9:

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ [.]

Do I really consider all things a loss and rubbish compared to knowing the greatness of Christ?  What are you afraid to lose for the sake of gaining Christ?

rejoice in the LORD. always.

caught up in yourself

Take a good look around you
And I’m sure that you are bound to
Think that all you have comes down to
You and what you’ve done
If you look far beyond this
There’s a life I hope you don’t miss
What has kept you from moving on
Is learning to let go

And there’s so much more
Than what you’re looking for

Caught up in yourself
Call it like it is
Well, you’re so good
But you’ll never be good enough

You think if you surrender
It’s the end, but just remember
Life is more than dying embers
Burning in your soul

And I know it’s true
‘Cause I am just like you

Thank God for mercy
Thank God for His grace
Thank God for everything you’ve got
Before it’s too late

And there’s so much more
Than what you’re looking for

white house….to prison

Meet Charles “Chuck” Colson…

Power.  Success.  Presidential aide.  Washington influence.

Known as President Nixon’s “hatchet man.”  Described by some as the “evil genius of an evil administration”.  Colson described himself as, “valuable to the President … because I was willing … to be ruthless in getting things done.”

.DOWNFALL.

Scandal.  Described as a “national disgrace” for his involvement in Watergate.  Sent to federal prison.

In Colson’s book, Born Again, he “describes the day he sat in his prison cell and began jotting down notes of the events that brought about the fall of a president and the rebirth of his former “hatchet man.“

From the White House to prison.  Just like THAT.

But there was a plan. While Colson jotted down notes, God was working in his heart.  Colson re-committed his life to Jesus…and the LORD opened Colson’s eyes to the needs around him in prison.

Fast forward. Colson started the ministry, Prison Fellowship, and built it into a $50 million organization operating in all 50 states and 110 countries.  What is their vision?

That Jesus Christ’s transforming grace and truth be manifested in the lives of prisoners and their families, as the local church and Prison Fellowship partner in Christ’s work to restore prisoners to the community and Church as contributing members, bearing witness that no life is beyond the reach of God’s power.

He is regular contributer on Christianity Today and was recently interview by TIME on the launch of the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview.  Read the interview for yourself.  These are my favorite snippets:

The church has fallen into a therapeutic model. It believes its job is to make people happy and take care of their problems. It’s a feel-good kind of Christianity. I don’t think the job of the church is to make people happy. I think it’s to make them holy.

A lot of people don’t want to bother with it. [Many] people have reduced the whole Christian faith to just a relationship with Jesus. That strips the faith of its doctrine, its sovereign nature. The biggest problem is getting people to be serious about what they profess to believe.

Jesus came so that we might have life and have it to the fullest (John 10:10).  He can redeem and restore….and send us forth to do His kingdom work (Acts 9).

the other side of pride

This past Sunday, Lon gave a great message in his series, “The People Jesus Met,” and discussed the arrogant rabbis– all this came around to a message on humility.

As Lon pointed out in the message, many of us walk around with an incorrect understanding of what it means to have humility.  So Lon defined it for us…

What humility is NOT:

Humility is not self-deprecation or self-degradration.  Humility is not acting humble to camoflage the true condition of our heart.

What humility IS:

Humility is Holy Spirit produced way of seeing ourselves.  Humility recognizes that all we are is all because of God’s undeserved mercy.

Are you humble?  Do you recognize that you are no greater but no less than what God created?

I get caught up in thinking of myself as less than what God created.  Boasting about yourself is just as much of a sin as self-pity.  And looking down on yourself is not true humility.  I have to catch myself when I start questioning God about where He’s placed me and what opportunities I have to serve Him. He doesn’t make mistakes– He is sovereign.

Philippians frames how we should model ourselves after Christ’s humility…Philippians 2:5-8:

⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
⁶Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!

Servant. Obedience. Those two words jump out of this passage.  When we are humble and obedient, God uses us for His kingdom glory.

To read more about Biblical humility, go check out Tim Sweetman’s latest blog post, “Loser Christian.” He has a great quote in his discussion about his own struggles:

Self-pitying people desperately want to be good, not for the glory of God, but for themselves. They want to do things for and by their own power and might for the personal recognition. They want everyone to serve them, like them, and approve of them. When these desires are not fulfilled, a prideful person will become even more inwardly focused and will continue a vicious cycle. (Exemplary Husband by Stewart Scott, page 179)

trusting. leaning. acknowledging.

To-Do Lists.  Go, Go, Go.  Busyness.

Ryan sent me this article today from the Prison Fellowship Ministry, “The Busy American Family.”  The author promotes a new book, Not So Fast: Slow-Down Solutions for Frenzied Families. While I don’t have a family, I can relate to the topic (…perhaps why he sent it?).

What is the problem with being too “busy”?  As the article points out,

‘the busyness of life gets in the way of developing relationship with God.’  In a survey of over 20,000 teens and adults, 6 out 10 Christians said they were too busy for God.

We settle into becoming busy-sloths (sloth is often defined as avoiding physical or spiritual work).  I am guilty of doing this in my own life.

I first started my addiction to being a “busy-sloth” in high school, right after my parents separated.  The pain and hurt were too much for to  face– so I started doing– and doing lots of things.  Things that from a worldly perspective were “good”– activities to fill ALL my time because as long as I was doing things, I couldn’t focus on the situation at hand.  I could smash down the pain of my family being torn apart.  Avoidance was my solution.

And the cycle is incredibly hard to break, because  I did it again in college.

Running is exhausting though.  Eventually you are forced to stop because you just can’t go anymore.

And what’s left?  The pain is still there and you are too tired to move.

God stepped in for me (I’m sure He tried many times before, but I was too stubborn to listen).

There was humbling to be done.  He had to teach me that I couldn’t do things on my own.  One of the first passages that really stuck with me (and hangs in my bathroom today), Proverbs 3: 5,6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

When I read this verse, I am reminded:  I need to trust Him, I need to lean on Him, I need to acknowledge Him.  ONLY He can make my paths straight for me to walk.

Lately, I have felt myself slipping back into being a busy-sloth.  I make excuses, “I can’t say no!” or “If I don’t do it, who will?” but really, what I am avoiding?

And it hurts.  I feel empty when my life gets “too busy” for God.  His truth sanctifies; it cleanses out all the emotional gunk and replaces it with His peace that passes all understanding.

David’s prayers in Psalm 63 resonate with me and remind me why I feel this way…Psalm 63: 1-5:

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

the screwtape emails

Go here to read all the entries from Boundless blog.

TO: wormwood@tempters.net
FROM: Screwtape@hellfire.org
RE: re: prayer

So she has a prayer partner. This makes it rather hard to avoid prayer, doesn’t it? But surely you know that you can still keep her from contemplation. Since you are so inexperienced, I will let you in on some tried and true techniques: First, keep her mind on how she must sound or appear to the others who are praying with her; this way, the words she chooses will not be prompted by anything but a desire to impress or influence the others. Encourage her to use flowery (but meaningless) words, believing that they denote piety.

Second, whether she prays in a group or alone: As soon as she has requested something from God, prompt her to think about how she herself can bring about the results she desires. Before she can even get to the next supposed request, she will be secretly plotting how to change the world on her own, completely forgetting that foolish notion of trust in our Enemy’s sovereignty. For example, if she begins to pray for her relationship with a classmate whom she finds annoying, lure her into fantasizing about various things she could say to him to put him in his place. Next thing she knows, her prayer time will be cut short and she’ll be picking up the phone to call him!

Better yet, take the fact that Enemy is omnipresent, and spin it into something like: Since He can hear my very thoughts, I don’t need to have a specified prayer time, do I? This, combined with the ideal of praying without ceasing (a phrase from the Bible that she has surely heard several times in her classes already), will keep her lips quiet. Meanwhile, continue to keep her busy, busy, busy!